The brick of truth

After a streak of writer's block, something posted to Facebook today really spoke to me.

It is hard for me to admit publicly, but I am a very jealous person. Especially after a series of events that happened this week, I found myself easily falling into the trench of "why not me", "what did I do wrong to deserve this", or "it will never happen". The resident evil of negativity had again taken over my thoughts.

This quote hit me like a ton of bricks. I was on a break at work when I saw it, but it immediately made me tear up. I knew that I had to face this challenge and move on. Breaking this down bit by bit helped me to really put meaning to this quote.

1. There is no need to be jealous of others. Jealousy is not a need. A need is food, clothing, shelter, laughter, and love. I have all of these needs and then some. Period. This also ties into my post on things not always being what they appear. That "perfect relationship" I'm jealous of may be filled with infidelity, abuse, or true loneliness. That "vacation" I'm jealous of might be added to an already huge mountain of debt. The "skinny girl" I'm jealous of may have an eating disorder or a serious health problem. That "perfect job" I'm jealous of might be at the cost of being away from home more than I would want to be.

2. What's for you is for you. What is for me is for me! That makes me feel so special that God loves me enough to give me my own blessings! A mother that is still providing for me at almost 40 years old. Kids that he trusts me to raise to be awesome human beings. A best friend that is always there for me no matter what. Siblings that I may not have grown up with, but to love and care for as if I had. A job that I may not always like, but provides for the needs of myself and my children. Last week a friend and I were at the farmer's market and a local church had a booth in the vendor section. My friend joked and said "Do you want to go sit down and be blessed?" We laughed, but I responded with "I dont' need to sit down with them to be blessed-I already am!" As the week went on I lost sight of this more and more. This quote by Tony Gaskins sure put me back in my place! lol

3. What they have wouldn't fit you anyways. This one made me chuckle as I for sure wouldn't want some of the clothes people wear these days lol! I also thought about relationships and other roles in life. I would not fit me to be a CEO of a major corporation. It would not fit me to be a cheerleader. It would not fit me to have a romantic relationship with a person of the same sex. I am not against any of those things, and I'm happy for others if that's what fits them. But I am uniquely me. I have my own style, my own laugh, my own dance.

4. Be thankful for all you have and know that all you desire is on the way. I broke this one down to 2 parts.
4a. Be thankful for all you have. I always tell people that my motto is "there is someone, somewhere that has it so much worse". When I'm unhappy with my housing situation, I need to remember that there are so many who are homeless. When I'm unhappy that I don't have a relationship,  I need to remember that there are so many who are in abusive relationships. When I'm unhappy about my job, I need to remember that so many are unemployed or forced into human trafficking or sweat shop situations. When I'm unhappy about my weight, I need to remember that I am able to walk out of my house and not confined to a bed, or that I am not suffering from a life threatening illness such as cancer.

4b. And know that what you desire is on the way. This part reminded me that patience and faith will give me my hearts desires and to truly deep down believe it!  I desire to someday have a home of my own-and I will have it. I desire to someday have a healthy loving relationship with a man-and I will have it. I desire to someday have a job I love and make more money-and I will have it. I desire to someday be a smaller weight-and I will be. The desires may not be exactly the way I imagine, or happen when I want them to, but they are on the way.

So bring on the bricks. Each one that hits me is falling from the life I had. I will use each one to build the life I want.