Yes, I am a hypocrite. I tell me children not to do something and then I do it. Tonight I let my anger get the best of me. I will regret the action I took, but I will never regret why I did it. This mama bear will always protect my kids and put their interest first. Even if it almost landed me in jail.
How long do you fight a battle you know you can never win? How long do you try to do the right thing and end up being the one who gets the shaft? How long until you say enough is enough?
As I was trying to sleep after tonight's events, I had to check Facebook one last time. (Hi, I'm Jennifer and I am a Facebook addict). A friend posted scripture that was God himself speaking to me.
"Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
Ephesians 4:31-32.
First I forgive myself for letting my anger get the best of me. I forgive myself for not being perfect. I hate that my kids had to be witness to my anger and bitterness. I will let it go and let God handle the rest.
Many people will say I let him win. I don't see it that way. I just refuse to stoop to his level ever again. You can never win when you are dealing with someone who doesn't think rationally. The situation will never change because he will never change.
But I can change. And I will change. And I will no longer let him have control over me. I may be letting fear win right now, but the peace I will have is something he can never take away. He will never have the relief that I will have. He will never be able to be truly happy. He will never win the battle.
I have already sacrificed too much. I have already hurt for way to long. I may lose respect from some people for not fighting. I may lose money.
I will gain freedom. My satisfaction is knowing, that for me....it's finally over.
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